Wednesday, 27 July 2016

Where's the compassion?

Since the invention of the Internet troll I've noticed compassion is falling to the wayside. You only need to read the news websites to see that half the articles now are Twitter comments of people demeaning each other in 140 characters or less - it's become a competition of who can slander the fiercest.

A child is hurt - "where were the parents?" "how could the parents be so dumb" "why were they watching them?"

A girl is assaulted - "why was she walking there?" "what did she say to them?" "what was she wearing?"

A car accident - "I bet it was a P-plater"

A TV personality is struggling - "That's what you get for being famous, serves you right"

We are all so ready to tear each other down at the click of a keyboard. Would you say those things to the person face-to-face? Would it be so easy to tell someone to kill themselves while looking them in the eye? You can so easily type horrible messages to a woman who has lost her child to a crocodile attack but could you say it to her in her lounge room while watching her mourn? Why do we think we can say these things via a message and they not cause harm? Or do we know they cause harm but just don't care?

Growing up we were told "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" - where did that disappear to? Is it left in the past with our dignity?

We all have different opinions but why is it when one differs from another there's an explosion of hatred and words like bigot and racist get thrown around like confetti. Let's debate but at the end of the day we all need to agree to disagree. We are not all going to think the same but express your opinion with consideration not bitterness.

Are we all just so hurt in our own lives that we need to spit that hurt onto others? Spread the bitterness around so we not the only ones bitter?

I stand here today ready to start a compassion revolution. I want to help reverse the cycle of hate and start a cycle of light instead. So who's with me? Who's ready to start spreading some more compassion today?

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Monday, 27 June 2016

Asking & Begging

Recently I've been reading "The Art of Asking" by Amanda Palmer, it turns out to be a biography, I've never read a biography before and it's different to read actually. Her main theme is about asking as the subtitle declares "How I learned to stop worrying and let people help". It got me thinking about "What's the difference between asking and begging?" - are they different or are they the same thing?

I was out walking the other day and it came to me "Asking is hoping for a yes but okay with a no. Begging is demanding a yes and refusing a no".  When you ask for help of course you want a yes but you can live/survive with a no, whereas begging you want a yes but you refuse a no and demand a yes.

Asking is a hard thing to do in our society as we don't want to be seen as not enough or weak and we don't want others to think we are begging, so we hold back, close up and remain silent. We are so frightened as being seen as weak but I believe it takes strength to ask for help because you are putting yourself out there and showing your vulnerability. "It's better to ask and be told no, then to never ask and not know".

I do struggle to ask as I have had it used against me "oh but I helped you", but I'm starting to see that shouldn't stop me because not everyone is like that and some people are just jerks. By asking for help I have gotten to be form new relationships that I never thought possible.

The more you ask the more you give others permission to ask and open up and starting showing people that asking isn't weak at all but in fact quite empowering. As a collective we can achieve greatness we just first have to ask for it.

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Photo by Unsplash

Sunday, 5 June 2016

Welcome Star Boy

Well it's been 6 weeks now since the miracle that is our little "Star Boy" entered into our world. What a 6 weeks it has been, our lives have been completely rearranged and I'd have to say for the better.

Star Boy, is such a good little boy. For us all this being a new thing he's doing well at coping with life. He has the most amazing smiles and then his shifty eyes as he's trying to work it all out.

We have all learned so many lessons and I know there will be many more lessons and trials to come, but we wouldn't change any of it for the world. I'm still pinching myself to see if this is really real or just some magical dream.

We've discovered a strength inside ourselves we didn't know was there and a heart of love we could never have imagined in a million years. The feeling of love is an amazing sensation, one that cannot be describe even with all the words in the world.

Every day is just going with the flow and establishing some form of a routine so as to keep a hint of reality and normalness into our lives. Sleep is gotten when possible as it's too hard to resist just starting at him all day.

I will still be keeping this space open here on 30 Days of Smiles, I'll post when I can as there are new habits to be formed now with a little one in tow, but I still want to keep my voice alive and keep a sense of me existing. I will keep writing about anything and everything as I have no boundaries or limits on my writing. I'll occasionally share snippets of Star Boys life but it will not be the main focus.

Looking forward to my new life and seeing where life takes us now, not as a couple but as a trio.

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Wednesday, 20 April 2016

Gender Equality: Is there really such a thing?

There's so much debate going on nowadays about gender equality and a lot of what I read is about which sex is the best, a whole battle of the sexes kinda thing. That's not what it's all about, it's about being fair and treating each other as equals not as opposing forces. So I've decided to share my 2 cents on the issue as it's something that I'm quite passionate about.

If we look about over history we see that in the beginning God created man in his own image, male and female he created them. God created us in his own image so he first created us equal. It is humankind that has created us as unequal. Humans desire for power, control and dominance has driven a wedge between males and females and cause tension, friction and turned us against each other.

Males and females are different from each other, what one lacks, the other makes up for. We both have our faults and we both have our benefits. You need us both to keep the population alive. One cannot live or survive without the other. We need both sides, both sets of skills, both thoughts, opinions and input to make the world work. We need to support each other instead we have turned on one another and treat each other terribly by attacking, name calling, back stabbing and tearing each other apart.

We need to address the issues as it's a disgrace that one can look upon another human and see only a possession, a belonging, a sex toy, a baby machine, a nothing, unworthy, not deserving of education, medical treatment, a voice, someone to use, abuse, forget and neglect. It's horrific that we can do that to one another and we have to stand up for these women around the world that are treated like that. But we also need to look into our own backyards and address the issues of affairs here too.

If I do the same hours, same work, have the same education, same certificate as a man then I should be paid the same amount of money and shown the same respect. If I have an opinion I should be able to speak up and share it without being told I'm a bitch, I'm hormonal, I'm too emotional, I'm too whatever. I should not be used as insult "you throw/run/fight/catch/jump/play etc like a girl" - have you seen our Australian women athletes, they can seriously kick ass. I am not here for you amusement, I am not here to pick up and clean up after you, you have two hands - use them. Yes I am not as physically strong as you but that does not give you the right to use your strength against me.  

I've had men use their strength against me often, thankfully I've never been abused but it's been used as a weapon. Growing up with 3 older brothers, one in particular quite enjoyed using it to his advance. His strength was used to put me in my place, he wanted a chair that I was sitting in, I was thrown out of it and told "you're just a girl get over it". Had my ponytail pulled out, my bra strap snapped, my TV show changed, constant teasing and just told "you're a weak little girl, what are you going to do about it?". If I spoke up I was stood over and told "must be that time of the month, you're too emotional, this is why I don't like women as they can't take a joke". No you hurt me and I have a right to defend myself and stand up for myself and be treated fairly. I grew up with a belief that women were lower than men because men could get away with so much more. I was told to be "the good girl, smile, don't make a scene, don't make a fuss", never encouraged in a career mostly got told about getting married and having children.

We have so many double standards in this country (and around the world). I've been asked to leave interviews because they didn't want someone who might have kids in the next few years. Most interviews I've been to, the moment they see my wedding ring ask if I've got kids. It's none of your business if I've got kids, I'm here to work thank you.

But what I have found it's ourselves (women) that seem to have the most double standards. I'm guilty of this too, I am getting better but patterns laid out in the past are hard to break. Where I worked (before maternity leave) we had 2 supervisors, one male and one female. The male supervisor would say something and people might go "rude jerk" and just get on with the job. The female supervisor would say something and people might go "rude bitch, how dare she, she's got it in for me, cannot believe she said that" then the whispers would start circling and it would still be remembered weeks later where the males comments were long forgotten. Another example a good looking/attractive man would walk into the office and most of the women would stare, smile, laugh, make comments, including sexual comments out loud. A good looking/attractive woman walks in and a few men's head turn and the females call out in disgust "get a good look?". Ellen plays in the lunch room where there is half naked men on screen dancing sexually on stage or on the audience, all the females crowd round to watch, a guy says he feels uncomfortable and gets told to "get over it and leave". One of the ladies is wearing a lovely dress for Melbourne Cup and sporting a new hair do and a male colleague makes a comment that she looks really pretty and the hair cut suits her, which everyone then turns and looks at him, so he then feels strange and apologises if that wasn't appropriate.

If we want respect and fair treatment, we need to show respect and fair treatment too. Do not complain and say "typical male" but a man say "typical female" and all hell breaks loose. We cannot have it both ways. We cannot treat men like crap and expect them to treat us like gold. Reality shows like "The Real Housewives, Dance Squad, Dance Mums, Little People, Next Top Model etc" are really only about the bitch fights and the dragging down women do to each other, showing no respect for one another or taking each other seriously.

Yes females are pushed around more then males but lets start treating not only ourselves but other females and males with the respect and the dignity we want to be shown. We cannot make change happen if we are not willing to make change within ourselves. Everyone has a right to be treated fairly and each one of us (males and females) need to put aside our differences and our double standards and start showing each other respect and treating one another fairly. Only then will we start to be equal again.

(side note I found this link about the history of gender equality in the workplace and education, it's a good timeline to see how far we have come. This isn't sponsored or anything, just a good link) 

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Photo from here

Tuesday, 5 April 2016


It's a gorgeous sunny blue sky autumn day today, I'm sitting in our back room with a breeze blowing while I'm typing away on the laptop. It's a prefect day for reflecting and enjoying the moment.

I'm currently 39 weeks pregnant so pretty much any day now we'll have a lovely little bundle to cuddle and love and call our own.

The past 9 months have been an up and down journey. Filled with much sickness, stresses, pressures, anxieties, confusion, breakthroughs, courage, love and power. I've had to face fears head on, challenge the norm and realise truths I never thought were there. I have now got a better understanding of myself and always of those around me.

Facing truths of changing people and others that don't want the world to change. Separating my issues from others issues, realising I'm not who I thought I was and I'm better than I thought I could be. The world has pushed, pulled, shoved and knocked me about. My heart and mind has done the same. It's easy to pin the blame on others and throw up your hands and say "it's all your fault" but truth be told we are in charge of our mind and heart and we can make the change, we can break the chain.

Breaking the chain as been a common theme as I come to terms with long lost memories, truths and hidden issues. I am a new generation that can take and learn from the old but doesn't have to repeat the same patterns from the old generation, I am the break in the chain. The old patterns that didn't work are being set free and the discovering of the new patterns is both highly scary but exciting nonetheless.

This little bubba that hasn't even breathed a breath of air yet has already taught us so many about ourselves, where we need to bend and where we need to break. We've been drawn closer together in love, support and comfort, we are there for each other in ways we never were before. Our faith in God has grown stronger as we've fought and embraced this road together. We are a united force.

As we wait in patience for B day to arrive I continue to breath in the love of this bubba, the love of God and the love of my husband everyday. It's a strange feeling waiting for the day as you never know when it might be but thank you bubba for all that you have taught me so far and all you are differentially going to teach me in the future.

Photo my own

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