Friday, 28 April 2017

Letter to Star Boy


Dear Star Boy,

It's been just over a year since you hurtled into our lives and turned our world upside down, you showed us what it meant to love. Your cheeky smiles, crazy hair and constant babbling are the best sights and sounds in the world. You drive us both crazy and have us in fits of laughter all in the space of the same minute.

What an awesome ride this past year has been, with you growing and changing every day and learning new things all the time with us having to grow and change and learn along with you, like the time I learnt that no matter how desperate you are for the bathroom do not leave the shopping on the floor unless you want raw egg smashed into the carpet.

Your daddy and I love infinity times infinity, we didn't even know you could love like this. You are a beautiful little Star Boy sent from heavens above and we are grateful to God every day for choosing us to be your parents. God is going to help you achieve wonderful things in your life darling and He'll guide you every step of the way, always remember to lean into Him and trust He'll show you the way.

Our arms will always be open for you gorgeous boy no matter where life takes you.

Happy 1st birthday honey bunny

Love Mumma and Daddy xoxo

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Monday, 17 April 2017

I hate food


I hate food!!!!

There I said it, those words came out of my mouth - well, yes technically out of my fingers onto the keyboard but you get the gist.

I'm over eating food, thinking about it, planning it, buying it, the works. I wish I never had to eat again.

I'm so tired of thinking about what to eat, what to feed myself, my husband and my son. What to cook for dinner, what to eat for lunch, what to have as a snack.

Please tell me there is someone else out there that feels the same way? Are there other people out there that are just so over food they'd be happy if they never had to eat again?

Everyday I need to work out what to feed Star Boy, who pretty much just turns his nose up at anything that isn't meat or porridge and just throws his food across the table or onto the floor. When he refuses to eat one thing I'm trying to rack my brain what to try him with next and then when that is inevitably refused as well so I'm onto the next item of food to contemplate and workout. By the time I've done all this I've got no energy to think about eating myself as I'm so stressed out from picking up toast crusts and egg bits from the floor and scrubbing Vegemite out of the carpet.

Life would be so much simpler if food didn't get in the way, just imagine how much extra time we would all have and the extra cash in our pockets too, it would be awesome. But I will admit there is nothing quite like the feeling of eating a bowl full of fresh raspberries and admiring their lovely red jewelness, or the smell of a roast chicken baking in the oven on a weekend evening and oh who could live without the stickiness of fresh homemade sticky date pudding.

So maybe food isn't that bad but it would be nice if we didn't have to think so darn hard about it for so many hours of the day and it would be fantastic if an 11 month old ate the damn food you gave him instead of sticking in underneath his butt for you to peel off his clothes later.

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Wednesday, 22 March 2017

Isolation


Check my phone for the billionth time – really it’s only 1:32pm there’s still 5 hours to go. I’m covered in spit, snot and sweat and none of it my own, my legs are full of scratches and there’s rice stuck in my hair. As I put my phone down there’s a little face staring up at me smiling, well now he’s crying cause he slipped on his little book and face planted into the carpet. “It’s okay sweetie, mumma’s got you” – now I can add tears to the list of today’s fluids on me (the wee came later in the night).

So much energy in such a little package – no energy left inside the mumma package. I adore and cherish this little munchkin and love him to bits, but some days I just don’t want to adult anymore. I want to sleep in (well try as sleep escapes me – the kid sleeps better than I), focus on a task for longer than 30 seconds, I want someone to talk to me about anything and everything not just ask me how the baby is going and then walk away.

I love being a mumma and I cherish every moment with my little Star Boy however I was never prepared for the isolation that comes with it. All day alone, no breaks, no communication with the outside world, trapped like a rat in a maze. The struggles are hard: try communicating with the outside and you’re shut down, ignored, told to be grateful and suck it up. I know there’s nothing that can be said to make it all better but a listening ear can make you feel less alone and at least heard.

We cannot function as a sole unit and we need community to survive so why do we except parents to do it alone, why do we offer up “support” in forms of “just deal with it”, “oh get over it all children are like that”, “be grateful for what you have after all you struggled to get this one” (that’s the one that hurts the most especially coming from family). Ok I know we cannot fix the problem as yes all kids have their “jerk” moments where you are just so over it all you want to do is tie them to the chair and let them watch Thomas the Tank Engine all day. Most of us know you cannot say anything that will make it easier as parenting is a tough job and words cannot magically take away the struggle so why don’t we instead just be a friend and listen or talk about other things happening in the world that doesn’t involve the child. It’s actually nice to have other conversations.

Words cannot save us alone only connection can.

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Tuesday, 7 February 2017

The tryhards guide to being eco – clothes


Welcome back to part three of my tryhards eco guide - today we will be tackling the topic of clothes.

Clothes – we all wear them and we all need them, they keep us descent, warm and cool. They talk and tell the world who we are and what our personalities are like without us having to open our mouths. But clothes also make a big impact and dent on the environment and the people who make them (plus our credit cards).

Today in our fast fashion world we have new styles and trend every few weeks, we have shops where you buy a shirt today and it’s replaced by something new next month. Yes that bargain $10 special you’ve got it awesome and you’re going to wear it all the time but will you really when there will always be another sale and another bargain to be had out there?

What went into making that item? Was the maker fairly treated, did they get a fair wage? Was the environment affected in anyway? How much water was used in the production method? What chemicals were used? Cotton is one of the most chemically treated plants out there.

But we all need clothes and we all have budgets, so what are we to do? We need to shop smart. Here are some of tricks I use: 

Shop secondhand

I love me a good op-shop, it’s amazing what you can find there. My best purchase was a pair of vintage Dolce and Gabbana sunnies for only $25 with a tag still on them – so never worn. This is a great way of recycling as most of us don’t ever wear clothes till they are falling apart anymore so you can find new items still with tags on. Even if they have been worn you can get some stains out with a good soak and easily sew on a new button or fix a ripped seam. Always have a look as there’s always a hidden gem somewhere. Also if your friends wear the same size clothes as you, do a clothes swap or check out Round She Goes markets as well.

Upcycle

Upcycle what you already own – if you are bored with some of your current clothes cut them up and create them into something new and one of a kind (which is always a nice feeling). Pinterest is an upcyclers heaven filled with so many wonderful ideas.

Sales

If you don’t have a very big budget to buy organic or more environmentally friendly clothes watch out for sales. Blessed Earth is always having different sales on and you get a great bargain on something that you need. I got a pair of organic yoga pants for only $8 once.

Need verses Want

Really look at what you need as you’ll realise you don’t really need all that much clothing as you think you do. We are so programmed to want and want and want that we forget we only need so little.

Baptist World Aid

If you need certain clothing and you cannot find it secondhand or on sale at environmentally friendly place in your budget check out Baptist World Aid Behind the Barcode for stores that are trying to do a little better by the planet and the workers.

Shop your wardrobe

You’ll be surprised how many outfits you can get out of your wardrobe already just using a little bit of imagination. Instagram is full of so many different style challenges and you’ll start looking at your wardrobe so differently and start pairing up items you never would have thought about in the first place. I love partaking in these challenges most months and it’s really helped me see my clothes from a different perspective.

Go without

This one sounds drastic but it’s not really, most of the time you don’t really need that extra pair of shoes when you already have 20 others in the wardrobe. It goes back to need verses want, you only need so little to get by in life and yes it’s nice to have new things and there’s nothing wrong with that but really think before you buy and most of the time you don’t really need to buy.

Do you have any tips to share on how you shop for clothes? 

Our next part of the series I’ll be covering how to be eco with children. 

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Wednesday, 18 January 2017

Hold onto life


This post is in partnership with YouthSuicide

Suicide – most people don’t want to mention it, let alone talk about it but did you know that there are over 70,000 suicide attempts every year in Australia alone and out of those attempts nearly 2,500 succeed, leaving behind hurting friends and family.

It’s not easy to admit that you are feeling suicidal as there’s such a stigma surrounding it – “oh you’re so self-centred, there are so many people worse off than you, just get over it”. The depression that you feel when you are suicidal is so intense and so draining that you just want the pain in your head, heart and body to just stop and you feel like you are doing your friends and family are service by leaving them.

Between 2003 – 2005 I couldn’t count the amount of attempts I took to end my life, my depression and anxiety were so overwhelming it took all my energy just to keep going. It was crippling, voices telling me I wasn’t worth the space on this earth and after years of bullying at school and being personally violated, it all just built up too much and crash tackled me to the floor. I ended up having to leave my job at a medical centre after I tried to take the out-of-date medication.

It was hard to find help as I believed that there was something wrong with me and didn’t want to be judged by anyone. Friends looked the other way pretending everything was going fine and at home I struggled to get anyone to understand how I was feeling, my mum did try to help by suggesting finding a psychologist to talk to. It’s easy to feel alone and the Internet wasn’t what it’s like today with access to helpful resources like YouthSuicide where you can be directed to helpful tools, carelines and websites (wish I had this back then).

My boyfriend (now husband) told me one day that “life is hard, it goes up and it goes down but you are here for a reason and you can hold on.” By finding a great psychologist, herbal medication and working bloody hard on personal development I did hold on. I do still have moments of darkness (thankfully no more suicidal thoughts) but I know I can hold on and know there is more to life than this moment, it’s worth the fight and it can be done.

Life isn’t always easy but it’s such a beautiful mess that it’s worth holding on to – so please hold on to it, you’re worth it.

If you are struggling please reach out and get help – YouthSuicide is one place to start.

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