A tear fell down her cheek, she wasn’t really sure why she was crying she just felt so alone and so full of fear, so sad. She feels selfish as she has such a lovely family, a loving husband, her health and a roof over her head, what does she have to be sad about? Selfish girl, well that’s what one counsellor told her, just like the other one laughed at her when she said she had voices inside her head. Attempts to end it were made but never successful. She’s scared not knowing who to turn to or who will help her. Most people would just say the feeling will pass don’t worry about it, but she had felt like this since she was a little girl. Always picked on, always bullied, punched, teased for being poor, teased for being different, always rejected by peers. She left school early to get away from it but it still followed her through work life, church life, so called friends etc. She trusted no one, kept her guard up, even when a beautiful boy fell in love with her and she with him, she still was careful just in case he too rejected her. Herbal medication helped a little, at least the voices left her alone, but she couldn’t use them forever due to other medications she was on. The silent battle continued, not many understood. Now many years later she’s back on herbal medication and feeling a little relief and coping a little bit better thanks to understand counsellor (finally). She has her good days and really bad days still but she just keeps going as I am one determined bitch to beat this.
Depressions sucks (literally), it sucks the life right out of you, it sucks pleasure, sucks energy, it just plain sucks. What sucks even more, it’s becoming far too common in our society now, mental health is one of the biggest expenses and worries in our country and world today, but it is still very misunderstood. Depression isn’t just people feeling sad about something (yes that can be one thing but that usually doesn’t last long) depression is the feeling of worthlessness and such pits of despair that you can’t see the light. Everything is an effort and you feel no motivation to do anything at all as it just too much.
There is help out there, you just need to muster up a little effort to find out. I’ve been to plenty of counsellors and lots of them were useless and just made things worse but I finally found a good one in Suzie and she’s fantastic, I love her and what she’s done for me, even if it’s only a listen ear while I carry on about something or nothing all at once. I’ve just started back on St John’s Wort and I’m noticing a little difference, I’m coping a little easier with things and even getting out of bad days a little quicker too. It’s still there though sitting there waiting for me but I won’t let it win and neither should you. You’re better than you think you are, you are awesome, you wouldn’t have been put on this earth if you weren’t awesome. We are all here for a reason and I want to find out mine.
I hope my story has helped shed some light on this dark world of depression and maybe helped someone out there. You can do it too, be a determined bitch too.
Image from here
Image from here