Sunday, 3 November 2013

Meltdown


Today I sit here with a sense of peace I didn't think was possible on Friday afternoon.

You see on Friday I had a mini meltdown of sorts. I felt so stressed, overwhelmed and pressured I crack, I was a mess, I was crying and making no sense when try to speak. I felt like I was running out of time to do all the things I wanted to do and achieve. I struggle with stress and anxiety and sometime it all just catches up on me and hits me across the back of the head with a hammer and sends me flying to the ground.

But like I said today I sit here with a sense of peace. How? Why?

I realised after I calmed down from my meltdown that I was responsible for being stressed, overwhelmed and was putting way too much pressure on myself. I was listening to too many people opinions and taking on what they thought was best. I was trying to achieve everything at once and wanting the results now and not waiting for later. I was placing my life, my heart and my happiness in the world's hands and not placing it my hands or God's hands.

Today I heard a wonderful speaker at an event speaking about the power of forgiveness, something I've been really struggling with myself lately. It moved me to tears and I don't cry in front of people (except close family). It was as if the message was written for me (God can be amazing in that way) and so I feel at peace right now.

I still need to work on a lot of things including forgiveness but I feel calm tonight knowing that I can and will get through this and shine brighter on the other side.

I can't achieve everything at once, life is a journey after all, but I'll get there and just let a few things go for the moment, step back and relax, for I will achieve all I've set out to achieve but in time and not today.  

2 comments:

  1. Self compassion is a wonderful thing CJ, but it can take time to develop, especially for someone with anxiety, so taking it slow is the best way to maintain a sense of peace. While I have made some serious headway over the years, it still catches up with me more often than I would like. Remember to always be kind to yourself, and try to treat yourself the same way that you would treat your best friend :)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your kind words Glenda. We're are toughest critic. Take care of yourself too.

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