Tuesday, 2 February 2016
I'm just going to call it was it is - a meltdown!! There were tears, sobs and struggling to make sentences. It wasn't pretty but it happened and it was honest.
Truth be told I'm struggling being pregnant, I don't particularly like the process - there I said it out loud. I love that I'm having a baby and really want this baby with all my heart. I just don't like or enjoy the process that's required to get said baby.
What I'm struggling with the most and what caused my epic (as MJ called it) meltdown is the extra weight. I'm currently carrying about an extra 8kgs to what I was pre-pregnancy and I feel huge. I know technically I'm not huge but the extra weight feels so heavy, so awkward and just plain yuck. I use to be this weight a long time ago but it was spread all over my body not centred in one location.
I'm finding it difficult to not only carry but thoughts are playing up in my head (don't you just love how the mind works - not) about how big am I going to get? how are you going to cope? you're struggling now so what will you be like in a few months? I'm so scared about how big I will get in the future (I'm currently 30 weeks) as I've been continuously told by so many people that you stack on weight in the last 2 months.
As much as you try to ignore what other people say, it really does get you down sometimes. After hearing how big you've gotten for the 10th time at work in a day and having a few of those people say it 2-3 times to you in that same day, it really just tires you out. I know others are just excited and what to be part of the journey etc and it's not personal but what I've discovered is people don't quite understand what they are saying or doing. They think they're being nice and are meaning well by it all but don't realise the words can really get under the skin and stay there, becoming all itchy.
My darling husband in the midst of my tears and sob placed his hands on my belly and told me: "you'll be okay, it's not fat, it's our baby, it's only for a little bit of time not forever, you will go back down again". Gosh I love that boy, he helps me through so much even when he doesn't quite understand what's wrong.
I know I'll get through this and I'm sure with more moments but I cannot wait to meet this little blessing that's kicking around inside, the countdown is on - April 8th isn't that far away now.
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