This post is in partnership with YouthSuicide
Suicide – most people don’t want to mention it, let alone talk about it but did you know that there are over 70,000 suicide attempts every year in Australia alone and out of those attempts nearly 2,500 succeed, leaving behind hurting friends and family.
It’s not easy to admit that you are feeling suicidal as there’s such a stigma surrounding it – “oh you’re so self-centred, there are so many people worse off than you, just get over it”. The depression that you feel when you are suicidal is so intense and so draining that you just want the pain in your head, heart and body to just stop and you feel like you are doing your friends and family are service by leaving them.
Between 2003 – 2005 I couldn’t count the amount of attempts I took to end my life, my depression and anxiety were so overwhelming it took all my energy just to keep going. It was crippling, voices telling me I wasn’t worth the space on this earth and after years of bullying at school and being personally violated, it all just built up too much and crash tackled me to the floor. I ended up having to leave my job at a medical centre after I tried to take the out-of-date medication.
It was hard to find help as I believed that there was something wrong with me and didn’t want to be judged by anyone. Friends looked the other way pretending everything was going fine and at home I struggled to get anyone to understand how I was feeling, my mum did try to help by suggesting finding a psychologist to talk to. It’s easy to feel alone and the Internet wasn’t what it’s like today with access to helpful resources like YouthSuicide where you can be directed to helpful tools, carelines and websites (wish I had this back then).
My boyfriend (now husband) told me one day that “life is hard, it goes up and it goes down but you are here for a reason and you can hold on.” By finding a great psychologist, herbal medication and working bloody hard on personal development I did hold on. I do still have moments of darkness (thankfully no more suicidal thoughts) but I know I can hold on and know there is more to life than this moment, it’s worth the fight and it can be done.
Life isn’t always easy but it’s such a beautiful mess that it’s worth holding on to – so please hold on to it, you’re worth it.
If you are struggling please reach out and get help – YouthSuicide is one place to start.